You may now be in the situation where your child is preparing for a final state exam and at times it will seem like you are the one actually sitting the papers. Firstly, ‘you’ getting stressed out and worked up will only make them more anxious. Students need to be encouraged and rewarded and this will be your main role as we approach exam time. Getting annoyed or even angry with your child for not studying or putting in the hours is tempting but will actually achieve very little. Ultimately, the only person you are upsetting is yourself. The old adage is apt here:
‘You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink’
As a parent, all you can do is put the conditions in place to help them flourish. Purchasing some revision and solution books, making healthy food, providing a quiet house for study and plenty of love and support are all constructive actions around this time.
Providing that Subtle Support
Being in the background and offering that hassle free support is what most exam students want right now. Firstly, let’s focus on the support they need for revision and homework. Homework is an extremely important part of your child’s learning in exam year. Below are some short tips that will facilitate your involvement in ensuring homework is a positive learning experience for your child.
- Provide your child with a suitable place and time to do their homework. Minimise interruptions and distractions from television, phones, and other siblings.
- If a child has difficulty with homework, you should try where possible to help them overcome it with explanations and examples, without actually doing it for them.
In the case of recurring homework problems, it is advisable to ring or send a quick note to the subject teacher to explain what the problem or issue is. If you are a parent of an exam year student and want to get in touch with a teacher, a phone call is probably the recommended form of communication at this stage of the year.
Encourage them to Express Themselves
If you find your child is getting increasingly anxious about upcoming exams and needs more than talking, ask them to write their thoughts and concerns on a sheet of paper. Having kept a diary for ten years as a child, I found that writing down anxieties and feelings helped to get them out of my head, allowing me to process them better. Another idea is to ask them to write down some positive actions, such as “I will relax and perform well” or “when I get the first question on the first paper started, it will settle me”.
Success and Failure
It’s important to guard against what they perceive as failure; support instead of policing is the way to go. To me failure in school is not about grades; the students that fail are those who don’t try, and the same philosophy could be applied to life. From this point of view, encouraging all their efforts and promoting calmness is the ideal standpoint for any parent now. This also applies if your child is sitting ‘house’ exams.
Get in touch with their school if you are overly concerned about your child’s anxiety, as sometimes it can happen that teachers are not aware of personal issues faced by students. Informed teachers can often take steps to help them or at least cut them some slack in class. Ultimately, if you feel exam anxiety (or any other serious anxiety for that matter) is reaching an uncontrollable level, you need to seek advice, support, and guidance, probably from a medical practitioner. You know your own child best.
Five Practical Tips to Support Your Exam Student
Parents, here are five practical actions you can take to help your son or daughter be the best they can be around exam time. This advice may be particularly useful to those who’s oldest child is doing exams this year.
- Help them maintain a well-balanced daily routine. You should guide your child to aim for a proper balance between revision and rest. After each exam or class test, they need time to rest and recharge before they can do any beneficial study for the next challenge. With a lot of tests in school at the minute, it is important to maintain that freshness where possible. Late-night study sessions are not advised.
- Studies have shown that a good night’s sleep improves exam performance. All revision should end at least an hour before bedtime to allow your child time to unwind before sleep. Encourage them to conclude revision at a reasonable time and start unwinding in order to slow down their body and mind. This will result in a more refreshing night’s sleep. It is not advisable to fall straight into bed from their study desk. The issue here is that their mind will be buzzing for hours as they attempt to get to sleep. You will need to use a collaborative partnership approach for success on this action.
- “You are what you eat”. What you eat and drink affects your performance in any activity, especially one involving mental sharpness. As a parent, you should try to ensure your child has nutritious food as exams approach. Start with breakfast each morning, the lunch they bring with them if they are facing long days, their evening meal, as well as snacks during the day. Grazing on junk food is very tempting at times of increased stress but should be avoided as much as possible.
- Success is always a team effort. Drawing on the support of everything that is potentially positive in a student’s life helps to maximise exam performance. Such supports include a heightened awareness on the part of all family members in their interactions with the person doing exams. Meeting with friends and participation in sporting or social activities should be encouraged. All these factors help to maintain a student’s ‘high spirits’ during an extended exam period.
- It is advisable not to over hype the importance of any subject examination. It is very easy in the middle of a stress-induced experience, such as a major exam, to get the whole event totally out of perspective. The secret here is to try and maintain their normal school routine. It is better to focus on their performance rather than their points. Parents should ensure their child is clear that your unconditional love and regard for them is in no way dependent on how they perform in the annual academic Olympics. Your affirmation is the greatest gift you can give them, prior to and during their tests. Good luck. Joe.
‘During these days, fortunes can turn around very quickly’
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